It's been a while. I thought I would continue to blog about my life and motherhood but really I wasn't too sure if anyone cared- ha! Or if I would have content that would be interesting. It's pretty scary to still throw your feelings and thoughts on the internet and hope you don't offend anyone. I don't care if someone doesn't agree with me, because that's not how life works. But I don't want to offend someone with what I say or how I have gone about things- ya know?
That being said... Hi! Hello. My name is Alyson. You are probably here because you know me. I'm over there in that picture with my incredible little girl.
This time is really different. Nothing like the last time. Last night, I went back and read my blogs and had a lot of "oh yeah! I forgot"- moments. I also was taken back to a weird sad place where I forgot how crazy all of this is. We have been talking about FET (frozen embryo transfer) for years. We have wondered if it's a boy or girl, what he or she will look like, and if they will be like Sloan. We wonder if they will survive the thaw, if they will stick and grow into a healthy little baby.
We always had a rough timeline in our heads that when Sloan turned two, we would start the process of #2. It all sparked when I had to pay my frozen embryo fee ($500). I paid it late (whoops) and walked in to the clinic and paid in person. It was nice to see the familiar receptionists and toss a few jokes around. I asked what the wait time was to get back in and she said it could be up to 8 months. 8 MONTHS?! The F!?
So with that being said, I made a DR appt and got the referral to get back in. After some waiting I got a call for an initial appt to see Dr. Jackson.
*My timeline is also here -> Timeline if you are interested.
My initial appt was in September, then it was bumped to October. April-October is a long time. I sent a very polite email saying I wanted to be on the list for any doctor. July 7th I got a call that there was an opening that day and I took it. I was in.
I have been VERY light-hearted about this whole thing. Like I walk in and laugh with the staff, and make jokes with the nurses and kinda a "okay-okay" attitude with the Doctor. We have said numerous times that there isn't pressure this time because we have a perfect little girl. So if we don't have another, it's okay. And in all reality it IS okay. We are very fortunate to have her and to have experience a pregnancy. But a part of me (and I think mike too) does get frustrated that we don't get to choose the size of our family or when we have it. I would be completely lying if I said I will be fine if this doesn't work. It's a long time to think about this little embryo and I will be upset if we don't get to meet he or she. It is all up to someone else's timeline and schedule. While we got back in for the work-up and check-in, we also got on the waitlist for funded IVF which is a 12-14 month wait.
Let me clarify something here. After we had Sloan, Ontario will fund one IVF cycle. You are responsible for the payment of the drugs and there is some limits on age/weight and only one embryo will be transferred back. If you pay out of pocket for IVF, you can get in next month for it once you are in the clinic. We can't afford another $10,000 out of pocket. We refuse to use credit so it would take us over a year to save that cash anyways. So we are on the funded waitlist for IVF incase our transfer isn't successful. They will pay for the FET ($2000) but, if that doesn't work, then you no longer qualify for funded IVF. Sooooo, $2000 or $10,000? We chose to pay the $2000 cash and keep our ticket incase.
This time is also different in the sense that we aren't telling anybody. It's nothing personal and I hope nobody takes offence. Some of our friends/family know we are back in the clinic and hope to transfer before the end of the year. Last time we had a handful following our cycle and knowing when transfer was, and when I had my beta etc. We want some of the normal stuff everyone else gets. We want to be able to surprise friends and family. And yes, this includes my mom being in the dark too. Nobody else tells me when they are ovulating, having sex or peeing on the stick- right? So I want that time too. And it takes the pressure off. This is a very delicate, emotional and scary time. If the embryo doesn't survive or doesn't stick, we will tell people that we did the transfer so they aren't left wondering when it's happening. My co-workers know because it's next to impossible to hide it at work. And my bestie Alex knows. We had our first babes together and I need help with the Progesterone injections because Mike works shift work. It would also be pretty hard to keep it from her. Progesterone for a FET has to be injected intramuscular in the upper gluten/low-back area, everyday. It's a large needle and the oil is thick. You need a partner to do this for you. And I have heard that it's seriously not a comfortable shot. Here, I google imaged some things for a visual. I'll toss em in at the end.
So let's breakdown this whole FET thing shall we:
Frozen Embryo Transfer
- Call in with my Cycle Day #1 (period)
- CD #3, start Estrace (Estrogen) 3 times a day, vaginally
- Have info session with a nurse and Mike/Alex on how to administer Progesterone in Oil
- Take Estrogen for 2-4 weeks, monitor hormone levels and uterine lining
- Once lining is thick enough, switch to Progesterone for 3-4 days
- Thaw embryo day of transfer, transfer
- Continue with Progesterone while pregnant and up to 10 weeks pregnant, everyday
Lastly, this cycle is different because life is different. I just don't have the time/energy to put into it, what I did the first time. I am a mom now and I work full-time. I am not focused on my diet and worrying about every little thing. I will do some massage, and relax as much as I can. I will probably stop in-home massage treatments after transfer for a while. I have blocked off some time post-transfer if I feel it's necessary. I can't carry around all the worry and anxiety on top of life now. But this time, I go about my day and life and actually forget here and there. And then I will have a moment of pure freak-out and cry like an insane person. It doesn't seem real that in a few weeks we are transferring and could possibly be pregnant. I am not doing acupuncture or anything extra besides some massage. So maybe this is a more relaxed approach? Who knows.
Alright, that's all for now.