Well.......the crying.....has stopped.
Psychhhh. ME. I have stopped crying so much. As for Sloan... oh she still cries....a lot. But that's okay. For a long time there the tears just flowed out of me uncontrollably. It wouldn't matter if I was happy or sad, I just couldn't hold them back. I actually had to tell Mike to not say nice things because they would start the water works all over again. Hormones & new babies are a trip.
I am still not sure how far I want to blog for, but I have had lots of feedback to keep going. I don't know if I am informative for new moms, or relatable for current moms, but it's entertaining someone! When you become a mom, you join this special club of women who support & encourage each other. In other situations these women may not connect, but we all have something in common and can offer advice and be a shoulder. It has been pretty amazing all the moms who have reached out and comforted me, given advice and shared their story. So thank-you to all those mamas, you know who you are.
I feel like I am a constant open book. I have no shame in saying- "I hate this, this is hard, help me, I don't know what Im doing." But in saying that, I don't want to come across as always complaining or not appreciating what life has given me. We worked so hard to get here, and I don't for a single second take for granted the fact that life has given us this perfect little lady.
Some days are better than others. Some we both don't want to parent that day. We want to sleep in, not listen to someone cry and coddle a baby all day. But, obviously, you don't have a choice. And most days, we wake up and really, really love the smiles and special time with Sloan. We already have watched her grow and develop so much in 6 weeks. She reacts to things, smiles, coos, makes the funniest faces. She can also be a pretty great cuddle buddy. She has the sweetest blue eyes and chubby cheeks that I love to watch fill out week by week. The littlest things can make me so proud. My baby is swatting at a toy that makes noise when you do and Im like- "MY BABY IS THE SMARTEST BABY ALIVE!". Even though she's not doing it on purpose....it just happens to be in the way of her swinging her arms around. Whatever, lol. We also celebrate every burp, fart and especially poop. Mike and I will yell "YAY POOP!" and clap our hands. It means she's going to be a little more content...maybe. That's what being a mom is. Applauding poop. It's amazing how a 8.5lb meatball that has to poop can run your whole day lol.
We have learned to tune out and almost deal with the meltdowns. Now I won't BS anyone- the constant crying does weigh on you after a while. But we have learned what each cry means and try and make her comfortable. There is no magic cure for "fussy, high needs or colic" babies. All you can do is make her happy (try) and wait. You don't want to wish time away- but literally all you can do is wait for time to pass. I have come to terms completely with formula feeding. I no longer feel the mommy guilt. She got a "physically perfect" stamp from our doctor, and that's all that I need. We are watching a small hernia above her bellybutton and baby acne- both super common and harmless unless the hernia grows.
I think I have had a lot of misconceptions about newborns- hence maybe part of my frustration. On social media it looks like you're inside all day with a baby that "chills". You get to have sweet naps and cuddles while watching netflix. In the early morning, you and baby stroll around the neighbourhood while you sip coffee and embrace the morning. Uh...... not so much. MAYBE some babies are this way. Maybe some babies are content, and "chill" and pose for cute photos and they are actually like that all day and only cry when hungry. Unless Sloan is eating or sleeping she has to be entertained, coddled or bounced around the majority of her awake time. This past week or so has been the best in the sense that she will have periods of being happy, content and awake. Today she spent an hour awake, in the swing. AMAZING. I am very thankful that when it's nighttime, she will go down and only wake every 3ish hours to eat and back to sleep. She is a good sleeper but is still up every few hours to eat.
As hard as it all is, I feel like Mike and I have really bonded over the last 6 weeks. We need each other to take care of Sloan. We are equal partners in every sense. WE had a baby- not just me. Sloan has a mom and a dad who both feed, change, coddle, and wear her in the carrier. Now if I was breastfeeding, obviously I would have more responsibility. While Mike is on vacation, we both get up in the night and take turns. When he goes back to work, more will fall on me. But when he is here and can, he is an equal parent. This is what works for us, and to the both of us, it's how it should be. To each their own in a relationship. We let each other have breaks and take the baby while one sleeps, or even gets out of the house for a few hours. We still find time to laugh & goof around and cuddle. If you can, still try and take a bit for one another- you need each other. I always check in and make sure Mike is mentally alright. Even when she goes down and it's 11pm, its the only time you get together. We are so tired but take a bit to cuddle up and talk, just us. You can have some special time, kiss etc. But I ain't about to write other things you can do- this isn't that kinda blog ;).
Before I close, some things that we have tried to calm the fussiness:
Nighttime routine- bath, lotion, jammies, quiet & dark in the nursery for a bottle before bed
Humidifier in the nursery
Baby wrap & wearing her
Running the vacuum (honestly)
White noise machine that runs continually
Bouncing & talking/singing to her
Formula switching, gas drops & probiotics
Car rides & the stroller
Sometimes...just letting her cry for a bit if she wants to
Each day is different. Each day we will keep trying. I keep saying "it's just a phase" but also remember- the days are long, but the years are short.