The months have turned to weeks, and now to days. I was counting them down and now I feel like they can slow down a little. Tomorrow I take the last provera pill. I hope, hope, hope that this will be the last time I ever take this pill. I hope I get my cycle and it's the last time I have that too. As the days creep by, I find myself very overwhelmed and just super emotional. Sam Smith songs make me cry MORE than normal. It's crazy. I don't have these feelings because I regret our choice- that's not the case. I worry about the following:
-my emotional well-being and changes in my body
-how mike will handle all these changes
-the pressure on mike to be the only one working
-needles & side effects from drugs
-the cycle cancelling at anytime
-not being able to do a fresh transfer and having to freeze
-Ovarian Hyperstimulation Syndrome
-cycle not being successful
-miscarrying
-most of all, the weight on mike's shoulders when it fails and he has to console me
Im not sure the best way to go about this. All i do is fucking cry it out by myself. Nobody wants to be around a sad debbie downer and her infertile brain. So for now, all I can do is ride it out and wait. And literally eat my sadness in ice-cream, chips and chocolate.
-my emotional well-being and changes in my body
-how mike will handle all these changes
-the pressure on mike to be the only one working
-needles & side effects from drugs
-the cycle cancelling at anytime
-not being able to do a fresh transfer and having to freeze
-Ovarian Hyperstimulation Syndrome
-cycle not being successful
-miscarrying
-most of all, the weight on mike's shoulders when it fails and he has to console me
Im not sure the best way to go about this. All i do is fucking cry it out by myself. Nobody wants to be around a sad debbie downer and her infertile brain. So for now, all I can do is ride it out and wait. And literally eat my sadness in ice-cream, chips and chocolate.