This is the part of the blog where I talk about (complain about) what it's like to be taking hormones and in a treatment cycle. This time is for sure different. I sometimes feel very casual and low-key and sometimes get very worried and anxious. I think why I am so worried is my feelings of: why would I get so lucky, TWICE? I already had a perfect IVF cycle, and pregnancy and delivery- why would I get it again? I know it happens to people. But I also this year have been surrounded by lots of loss. Anywhere from a few weeks gestation, to full-term. Now, this also may be women just talking about it more. Which, is totally incredible and the whole reason why I am here, duh. But I am starting to feel a lot of doubt that this embryo will stick and become an actual human being. We are very lucky and thankful for Sloan. But you never think that it will be your last pregnancy or child. And if this doesn't work, that we will be waiting until we are called up for funded IVF next year. I have to take my own advice and understand that it's going to happen the way it should. I just hate I don't get to choose. When you do IVF or a FET you know for certain in 2 weeks time you WILL be pregnant or not. I know it's not different from normal couples who had sex when they ovulated and wait. But it is different. Hard to explain. There is no guessing if the egg fertilized I guess. I know it did.
Alright. Let me explain how I have been feeling since the Estrogen in a series of GIFs to keep you and myself entertained.
That was fun eh? I mean shit could be a lot worse. But this is just what's happening. I'll list it here for ya:
- Tired & headaches
- Bloated, pressure & overall fluffy feeling
- Dull, achy lower belly pain
- Sore boobs, changes below from the pills going up
- Strangely with all the symptoms, very "in the mood"
I also feel that I won't go the full 4 weeks of Estrogen. I have never had an issue with my lining and I am hoping I get the green light after my first ultrasound and bloodwork which is October 28th. It's October 15th. It's INSANE to think in a little over 2 weeks we could be transferring. Alright I'm gonna cry.
Fun story before I go. Mike and I ran some errands Friday before I had to work. And ps. I don't have the energy to work. Sorry to anyone I offend lol. I don't want to work more than I have to- Im just so flipping' tired. ANYWAYS. He's driving and asking me what's wrong, as I just look so weird sitting in the other seat. I explain "I just wanna sleep-cry. Ya know? Like I feel like I want a good cry-myself-to-sleep right now. I can close my eyes in this car and just...sleep. That's how I feel. And for no good reason". After which, he proceeded to laugh hysterically at me and said "you're so fucked up".
And it's true.