The chalkboard paint & cheap chalk are the worst. Impossible to write nice with. But, you get the point. xoxo
It's been a hell of a past few weeks. I even remember people saying when we found out "oh you're not sick? you would be by now, so you're lucky". No, no my friend. I read somewhere around 6 weeks is when the sickness starts. And boy did it ever. Basically for 2 weeks I have felt like a flu has been coming- but never does. Now I know I wanted this, this is what pregnancy is etc etc. You think you can do it, but I apparently am not one of those people. For nearly 2 weeks I haven't done anything. I don't wear makeup or real clothes anymore lol.
It was a combination of things. From morning right into late evening, I was heavily nauseous. You know you're hungry, but can't imagine eating. I have survived off of oranges, popsicles and anything starchy. I probably gained 15lbs already in crackers and bread. Im extremely exhausted and feeling lethargic, dizzy, headaches everyday, and an overall feeling of being unwell. After 2 weeks of pushing through, I felt like Im not cheating myself of any experience or feel less of a mom with getting help. Nobody should have to suffer that severely. I wouldn't leave my house for days. Smells, moving, being hot, all made it worse. I have never my whole life handled nausea or being sick well- it gives me extreme anxiety to think about throwing up. Being on the verge all day, meant I was on edge all day.
I called and my fertility doctor prescribed Diclectin. It is category A safe, used for years, and specifically designed for pregnancy.
Can I just get a hallelujah!? This is my 3rd day taking it, and *knock on wood*, what a difference in the way I feel. Im doing the max dose right now, sometimes one pill less. I can eat, which helps with the nausea because I am not hungry. I still have food aversions or feel sickly about a food but that's okay. Side effect is, it does make you tired. I will take being tired over feeling like Im about to lose my bits any second. I hope it continues to work. I love it.
I get to meet my OB tomorrow. I have to figure out who/where I am doing my prenatal workup for blood/ultrasound/testing around 12 weeks.
No pictures. No funny GIF's today. Just straight up "this is how it's going" lol. I am technically 7 weeks & 6 days today- but we will call it 8. The little "bro" as we call it (embryo) is about the size of a large raspberry in week 8. Pretty small but for sure causing a ton of havoc.
I have been feeling all the feelings lately, all the emotions. They are mostly thanks to all these fun new pregnancy hormones. My life is totally from the norm for us right now. I have been off since the end of October. I mostly wanted all this time after we found out we were successful because honestly I was afraid to be thrown back into the world. We wanted this so bad, for so long and I truly believe a part of why it worked is because I put myself and my mind in a really good, relaxing state. I know all pregnant women stay working during the hard time of the first trimester, but this is the rest of my life, so if I didn't want to push it, and I didn't have to. I didn't want to be thrown back into a full working schedule and be so overwhelmed, tired, nauseous and worried I was too stressed. Mike was a great support for me and said whatever I wanted to do, he will do. We are fine financially, so I will be going back for the new year.
It will be weird to work everyday, see people I haven't seen in two months, have my own personal money and go out and "do things". With it being winter and that I am not bringing in any income, Im not out spending money/shopping etc. I feel so exhausted everyday. I know people say you will be tired, but you don't realize HOW tired you will feel. I cant make it through a day without napping. I am also very nauseous. I am not throwing up (and hopefully I won't) but I am holding it back- A LOT. I am on the verge of doing it , A LOT. I hate to be sick. The food aversions are crazy. I basically live off of oranges, some cucumbers and carbs. But even crackers are getting old. Basically, piper and I do a lot of couch surfing. I am looking forward to interacting with friends, not in pyjamas and wearing makeup- haha. I am not complaining- we paid for all this. I recall a conversation with a friend/client and she has been through some things that we have/has friends that did IVF. I remember saying, "I have this feeling I will be a terrible pregnant person and feel sick" and she said- that's okay. And I told her, I will feel so guilty about complaining or feeling this way because we wanted this, paid for this etc. She said to me- "you have all the right in the world, just like every pregnant woman, to complain, don't you dare feel bad about it". And Im taking her advice now, Ive never done this before so I don't know.
A thing I feel weird about it that, I don't everyday, think "oh my god, I'm pregnant, Im so excited!" and have a moment/cry. I read a lot of women who have gone through treatments that are so emotional over it finally working. Trust me, we have had our moments, I have cried in happiness alone, we are both excited. I just feel normal. I feel like this is the way it's supposed to be. I feel natural, and like it was always there. It's weird to explain, but I went so long wondering if I deserved it, or it will happen for me. Now that it has happened, it just feels....right. Is that too cheesy?
I recently had a birthday. I always said, no matter how this year went, I always wanted to be pregnant for my 27th birthday. It was honestly the best gift ever. Mike and I put up a tree, he gave me this sweet card & adorable frame for future photos of us & baby. I got a pregnancy book but nothing else. I haven't even thought about buying baby things- not yet.
Soon, I will start posting pictures of myself & the weekly update/size of baby J. I will continue to blog and make it a pregnancy blog instead. I still plan when we tell everyone nearing the 2nd trimester, to make the blog public. I hope I can give someone some insight, advice, encouragement or a place to feel welcome.
Until next time,
Peace, love & baby dust
Phew! now that it's out of the way. There it is! A big ol' yes! As of Tuesday December 9th (when I am writing this) I am 6 weeks & 6 days. This has been the craziest few weeks so let me start at the beginning.
We made our transfer Saturday November 8th of ONE 3-day embryo. Our bloodwork wasn't for 13 days after that. I knew in my heart that I couldn't wait that long to have a nurse over the phone tell me the results. I started testing 10 days after our transfer on Tuesday November 18th, with our bloodwork that coming Friday.
I was prepared mentally on the tuesday for it to be a no. When that second line came up, I didn't cry, I didn't do anything but stare at it. I believe I said out loud "well would you look at that". I took the digital one, and there it was "YES+". I woke Mike up to tell him. We didn't have the usual crying/hugging/so excited reaction I thought we would have. We are so used to not getting good news that we were thinking- okay, this is nice, but prove it to me. I tested every day till bloodwork day. Bloodwork is measuring your levels of HCG. It's called your BETA bloodwork. The nurse called at around 1:30 in the afternoon, we put the phone on speaker, to hear her tell us, "CONGRATS you're pregnant!!!". It was then that it was real.
Our HCG level was 333. Which I thought was cute, 3 eggs/3 fertilized/day 3 transfer ya ya ya lol. It was then that we both cried and hugged and became excited. I did bloodwork again 3 days later, our HCG levels rose to 1385 which was great.
I have taken a few dozen tests, haha! just to be sure! It's unreal to see it come up in words.
We had our first ultrasound Monday December 1st at 5 weeks & 5 days.
It clearly doesn't look like a baby yet. The circle is the little yolk safe and the smudgy cluster on the left attached to it- is the baby! The ultrasound tech had a cute little theory that she likes to think of this stage as the diamond ring. The ring is the yolk sac, and the diamond is the baby. It was pretty cute. But it's in there, she said it looks beautiful and everything is good.
I feel blessed, wonderful, anxious, excited & nervous. I want this so much, I just hope everyday it doesn't go away and likes it in there. I know for sure I feel it! that little guy/gal wants me to know they are here. During my implantation phase, was almost unbearable. I even considered calling an ambulance one night. I spent 3 nights sleeping on my bathroom floor because it was tiled and cold. The cramps were very, very intense. They would start and last for 15-20 mins. The pain would rise and stay high for several minutes and eventually die off. This was probably the worst I have ever experienced. I would get cramps during the day but at rest, at night, seemed to be the worst. As for other symptoms:
very very very sore boobs, like can't wear shirts sometimes it feels
cramps, dull/achy low belly pain
sooooo tired, exhausted ( I nap now! )
no longer "regular"
very few headaches so far
little waves of nausea ( no throwing up yet/hopefully not ever )
TMI- a lady parts infection. the hormone levels are fluctuating
Second ultrasound at 6 weeks & 6 days below
The baby actually measured at 7 weeks today, making my due date July 29th, 2015.
The sac measured perfect, the size was perfect and the heartbeat was "textbook" at 122 BPM.
The embryo won't be a fetus for another little bit, and will have a yolk sac until weeks 12-14. Today was so reassuring and felt so good to hear and see such good news. Our doctor met with us after and said at this rate and results, the chance of miscarriage is less than 5%. We cried lots of happy tears today. It's so incredible to see the little heartbeat.
Before I close out this long blog I have to mention the staff at OFC. Even if my cycle wasn't positive, I had the most positive experience with the staff. All the doctors, Jackson (ours), Kotarba (retrieval), Vause (transfer) and Haebe (HSG/review) were all so nice, welcoming, funny, reassuring and comforting. All the nurses, IVF nurses, reception were always so polite even though I called all the time. Most of all, the ladies who have it the hardest- the ultrasound tech's. These women are the front lines of good or bad news and have to constantly be positive and support couples everyday. They are so amazing.
For now, we are over-joyed, extremely blessed and thankful everyday. Staying positive for a healthy, happy baby and pregnancy. We also look forward to our little embryo waiting for us on ice whenever we are ready.
stay tuned! xo
Aly & Mike
We are young parents trying to grow our family through fertility treatments. We are battling PCOS & a blocked fallopian tube.