No pictures. No funny GIF's today. Just straight up "this is how it's going" lol. I am technically 7 weeks & 6 days today- but we will call it 8. The little "bro" as we call it (embryo) is about the size of a large raspberry in week 8. Pretty small but for sure causing a ton of havoc.
I have been feeling all the feelings lately, all the emotions. They are mostly thanks to all these fun new pregnancy hormones. My life is totally from the norm for us right now. I have been off since the end of October. I mostly wanted all this time after we found out we were successful because honestly I was afraid to be thrown back into the world. We wanted this so bad, for so long and I truly believe a part of why it worked is because I put myself and my mind in a really good, relaxing state. I know all pregnant women stay working during the hard time of the first trimester, but this is the rest of my life, so if I didn't want to push it, and I didn't have to. I didn't want to be thrown back into a full working schedule and be so overwhelmed, tired, nauseous and worried I was too stressed. Mike was a great support for me and said whatever I wanted to do, he will do. We are fine financially, so I will be going back for the new year.
It will be weird to work everyday, see people I haven't seen in two months, have my own personal money and go out and "do things". With it being winter and that I am not bringing in any income, Im not out spending money/shopping etc. I feel so exhausted everyday. I know people say you will be tired, but you don't realize HOW tired you will feel. I cant make it through a day without napping. I am also very nauseous. I am not throwing up (and hopefully I won't) but I am holding it back- A LOT. I am on the verge of doing it , A LOT. I hate to be sick. The food aversions are crazy. I basically live off of oranges, some cucumbers and carbs. But even crackers are getting old. Basically, piper and I do a lot of couch surfing. I am looking forward to interacting with friends, not in pyjamas and wearing makeup- haha. I am not complaining- we paid for all this. I recall a conversation with a friend/client and she has been through some things that we have/has friends that did IVF. I remember saying, "I have this feeling I will be a terrible pregnant person and feel sick" and she said- that's okay. And I told her, I will feel so guilty about complaining or feeling this way because we wanted this, paid for this etc. She said to me- "you have all the right in the world, just like every pregnant woman, to complain, don't you dare feel bad about it". And Im taking her advice now, Ive never done this before so I don't know.
A thing I feel weird about it that, I don't everyday, think "oh my god, I'm pregnant, Im so excited!" and have a moment/cry. I read a lot of women who have gone through treatments that are so emotional over it finally working. Trust me, we have had our moments, I have cried in happiness alone, we are both excited. I just feel normal. I feel like this is the way it's supposed to be. I feel natural, and like it was always there. It's weird to explain, but I went so long wondering if I deserved it, or it will happen for me. Now that it has happened, it just feels....right. Is that too cheesy?
I recently had a birthday. I always said, no matter how this year went, I always wanted to be pregnant for my 27th birthday. It was honestly the best gift ever. Mike and I put up a tree, he gave me this sweet card & adorable frame for future photos of us & baby. I got a pregnancy book but nothing else. I haven't even thought about buying baby things- not yet.
Soon, I will start posting pictures of myself & the weekly update/size of baby J. I will continue to blog and make it a pregnancy blog instead. I still plan when we tell everyone nearing the 2nd trimester, to make the blog public. I hope I can give someone some insight, advice, encouragement or a place to feel welcome.
Until next time,
Peace, love & baby dust
I have been feeling all the feelings lately, all the emotions. They are mostly thanks to all these fun new pregnancy hormones. My life is totally from the norm for us right now. I have been off since the end of October. I mostly wanted all this time after we found out we were successful because honestly I was afraid to be thrown back into the world. We wanted this so bad, for so long and I truly believe a part of why it worked is because I put myself and my mind in a really good, relaxing state. I know all pregnant women stay working during the hard time of the first trimester, but this is the rest of my life, so if I didn't want to push it, and I didn't have to. I didn't want to be thrown back into a full working schedule and be so overwhelmed, tired, nauseous and worried I was too stressed. Mike was a great support for me and said whatever I wanted to do, he will do. We are fine financially, so I will be going back for the new year.
It will be weird to work everyday, see people I haven't seen in two months, have my own personal money and go out and "do things". With it being winter and that I am not bringing in any income, Im not out spending money/shopping etc. I feel so exhausted everyday. I know people say you will be tired, but you don't realize HOW tired you will feel. I cant make it through a day without napping. I am also very nauseous. I am not throwing up (and hopefully I won't) but I am holding it back- A LOT. I am on the verge of doing it , A LOT. I hate to be sick. The food aversions are crazy. I basically live off of oranges, some cucumbers and carbs. But even crackers are getting old. Basically, piper and I do a lot of couch surfing. I am looking forward to interacting with friends, not in pyjamas and wearing makeup- haha. I am not complaining- we paid for all this. I recall a conversation with a friend/client and she has been through some things that we have/has friends that did IVF. I remember saying, "I have this feeling I will be a terrible pregnant person and feel sick" and she said- that's okay. And I told her, I will feel so guilty about complaining or feeling this way because we wanted this, paid for this etc. She said to me- "you have all the right in the world, just like every pregnant woman, to complain, don't you dare feel bad about it". And Im taking her advice now, Ive never done this before so I don't know.
A thing I feel weird about it that, I don't everyday, think "oh my god, I'm pregnant, Im so excited!" and have a moment/cry. I read a lot of women who have gone through treatments that are so emotional over it finally working. Trust me, we have had our moments, I have cried in happiness alone, we are both excited. I just feel normal. I feel like this is the way it's supposed to be. I feel natural, and like it was always there. It's weird to explain, but I went so long wondering if I deserved it, or it will happen for me. Now that it has happened, it just feels....right. Is that too cheesy?
I recently had a birthday. I always said, no matter how this year went, I always wanted to be pregnant for my 27th birthday. It was honestly the best gift ever. Mike and I put up a tree, he gave me this sweet card & adorable frame for future photos of us & baby. I got a pregnancy book but nothing else. I haven't even thought about buying baby things- not yet.
Soon, I will start posting pictures of myself & the weekly update/size of baby J. I will continue to blog and make it a pregnancy blog instead. I still plan when we tell everyone nearing the 2nd trimester, to make the blog public. I hope I can give someone some insight, advice, encouragement or a place to feel welcome.
Until next time,
Peace, love & baby dust