I feel like I need to get real and really lay out what's happening. I feel like most of my blog entries are happy, positive and finish with a funny little photo (which is how I feel at the time).
Once you come down from the high and the nerves after your retrieval and good transfer, things all start to become really foggy.
I know "doctor google" can be an evil, evil place. I have never been through this before and I don't know anyone personally who is to ask questions. When you have a 3-day instead of a 5-day, you do have to wait longer before a positive test. A 3-day could take a week or more to even implant because it still has to develop for a few days. I have read some women has symptoms but in general- most do not. Obviously the progesterone drugs are tricking you. But it is too early to really have "symptoms". You could have cramping and that could be good or bad, implantation bleeding etc.
You start to symptom spot constantly. Most women ( from what I have read ) either with a natural pregnancy or IVF do not implant bleed. Some say they even thought their cycle was a bust because they felt absolutely nothing. Which is my case. I keep looking for something. I have had dull, achy, low-belly pain and that's it. TMI but every time my bladder is full or have to use the bathroom it feels "extra" intense because there could be residual swelling etc from the drugs/retrieval. I also have been forgetting everything or being so spacey. I honestly cannot remember days, what I ate yesterday or I just stand in the grocery store totally lost. It's so weird but my brain is so useless.
Things are starting to really slow down. I am starting to doubt. I am starting to worry. I am trying to keep busy, but not too busy to be stressed. I wanted to buy pregnancy tests today ( and NOT test today ) but for later, and I just couldn't. I want to know, but I really cannot bare to know. I went from being excited to terrified. I don't know how I will deal with it, the look on mike's face, going back to work when everyone knows etc. I will test the morning of my bloodwork. I want to know myself before a nurse tells me over the phone.
I find myself just always being tired. Just feeling down. I have all this time, and I don't want to do anything. Well, I cant be spending tons of money anyways since we spent over $10 grand in 2 weeks- but I don't even want to do things that are free. It's a good thing mike has been at work during the day because he would just see me be sad all day.
This is the real stuff. This is the reality. This is so much unknown. No matter what you do, at the end of the day, its out of your hands. If we did a fresh cycle again we would only change a few things. I would incorporate regular exercise and try to loose a little weight before the next time. But otherwise, we both did all we could do. Mike even gave up a lot to make sure he was fair with me and that his parts were in just as good as shape.
I want time to pass but feel overwhelmed that in a week we will know. Over a year, all this testing, all this time, all this heartache, comes down to a blood test. I hate to wish my life or time away because I feel honestly that each day you get alive, with someone that loves you is a true gift. But- I just want to fast forward a little.
For now all I can do is enjoy the time I have & pray for positive news.
Once you come down from the high and the nerves after your retrieval and good transfer, things all start to become really foggy.
I know "doctor google" can be an evil, evil place. I have never been through this before and I don't know anyone personally who is to ask questions. When you have a 3-day instead of a 5-day, you do have to wait longer before a positive test. A 3-day could take a week or more to even implant because it still has to develop for a few days. I have read some women has symptoms but in general- most do not. Obviously the progesterone drugs are tricking you. But it is too early to really have "symptoms". You could have cramping and that could be good or bad, implantation bleeding etc.
You start to symptom spot constantly. Most women ( from what I have read ) either with a natural pregnancy or IVF do not implant bleed. Some say they even thought their cycle was a bust because they felt absolutely nothing. Which is my case. I keep looking for something. I have had dull, achy, low-belly pain and that's it. TMI but every time my bladder is full or have to use the bathroom it feels "extra" intense because there could be residual swelling etc from the drugs/retrieval. I also have been forgetting everything or being so spacey. I honestly cannot remember days, what I ate yesterday or I just stand in the grocery store totally lost. It's so weird but my brain is so useless.
Things are starting to really slow down. I am starting to doubt. I am starting to worry. I am trying to keep busy, but not too busy to be stressed. I wanted to buy pregnancy tests today ( and NOT test today ) but for later, and I just couldn't. I want to know, but I really cannot bare to know. I went from being excited to terrified. I don't know how I will deal with it, the look on mike's face, going back to work when everyone knows etc. I will test the morning of my bloodwork. I want to know myself before a nurse tells me over the phone.
I find myself just always being tired. Just feeling down. I have all this time, and I don't want to do anything. Well, I cant be spending tons of money anyways since we spent over $10 grand in 2 weeks- but I don't even want to do things that are free. It's a good thing mike has been at work during the day because he would just see me be sad all day.
This is the real stuff. This is the reality. This is so much unknown. No matter what you do, at the end of the day, its out of your hands. If we did a fresh cycle again we would only change a few things. I would incorporate regular exercise and try to loose a little weight before the next time. But otherwise, we both did all we could do. Mike even gave up a lot to make sure he was fair with me and that his parts were in just as good as shape.
I want time to pass but feel overwhelmed that in a week we will know. Over a year, all this testing, all this time, all this heartache, comes down to a blood test. I hate to wish my life or time away because I feel honestly that each day you get alive, with someone that loves you is a true gift. But- I just want to fast forward a little.
For now all I can do is enjoy the time I have & pray for positive news.